Running is Salvation

Depression has an ability to take you in its grip and darken the brightest day.  Like living in quicksand, it sucks you down and holds on tight.  I have learned over the years how to manage it for the most part.  It requires careful attention to diet, exercise, and routine.  When I stray from these, depression creeps up on me.  It comes in the form of extreme difficulty accomplishing daily activities.  It comes in the form of negative self-talk. It comes in the form of inexplicable sadness.

This last week my depression reared its ugly head.  Instead of being proud that I had successfully completed my last long run before Whiskey Basin, I felt like I had driven straight off a cliff.  I wasn’t able to get out of bed in the morning and was desperate to climb right back into bed when I got home at night.  I didn’t want to be around my husband or kids or friends.  I just wanted to snuggle with my dog and sleep the sadness into oblivion.  There was no reason, just darkness.

The week progressed this way until Friday morning when I met friends for a run.  After a week of struggling to rise each morning, I was nervous when I went to sleep Thursday night.  I knew I had to get up early the next morning and since I technically host these runs, I had an obligation to show up.  I slept restlessly but managed to get up and make it to the meeting spot on time.  

Amira, my Rhodesian Ridgeback, who runs with me regularly, was super excited to be out on the road again.  And as we started to run, a switch flipped and almost instantly I was myself again.  As the sun rose over the trail, it rose in my life.  


Running has a powerful ability to help us all overcome the struggles in our lives.  For me, it is a salvation from my depression.  For others it is a salvation to drug abuse or obesity or even daily stress.  Something about pounding the pavement or hitting the trails allow the brain to process thoughts and challenge our perspective on life.  At the beginning of a run, the world can look grim, but by the end, we can suddenly see the beauty in all things.

I was pleased today I had broken the grip of depression as I set out for a 13 mile run on the trails.  The route I chose is one I did about 6 weeks ago.  I wanted to test myself against my previous time to see how my training has progressed.  My depression had no power over me and I felt strong and confident and beautiful as I climbed the hills and glided across the landscape.  I crushed my goal, taking 40 minutes off my previous time.  Running is a gift and today I owned it.


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