Embracing my Vulnerability
This morning I ran a totally amazing route and I kicked its butt. With 24 miles and over 3,000 feet of climbing, it was unlike any other adventure I have had to date.
The day started out dark as me and three friends eased our way onto the trail at 5 am. Right out of the gate, we climbed Telegraph Pass in the South Mountain Preserve in Phoenix. Heart pounding, blood pumping, great way to begin a Saturday morning. It was dark, our headlamps lighting the way. The climb was challenging but despite my fears, I nailed it. I felt strong at the top and my fears started to wain.
Last night, I was feeling vulnerable. I doubt myself and my abilities regularly. As an overachiever, I am drawn to the activities that I can excel at, but love running because it takes me out of my comfort zone. See, I am not the greatest runner. I usually end up at the back of the middle of the pack. I have never been fast. There is a reason I love the long distance - I figure if I can't go fast, I might as well go far. Yet before each long run, especially something new, I wonder if I am going to be capable. So today's run was scaring me. My husband was reassuring, telling me I was strong and could do it, but I still doubted myself as I often do.
Around mile 3, I started to feel like this was going to happen. I was going to be successful. As we looked out over the lights of the city, I thought "No matter what, this is worth it."
The route we took led us to a lesser used trail called Bajada and I was enamored with its beauty. We have received quite a few rains lately and the valley this trail transects was a gorgeous meadow of green in a land that is usually awash with shades of brown. We stopped a couple miles down this trail to take some photos and when we turned around, the sacred Estrella Mountain range provided a backdrop worthy of the gods.
The day started out dark as me and three friends eased our way onto the trail at 5 am. Right out of the gate, we climbed Telegraph Pass in the South Mountain Preserve in Phoenix. Heart pounding, blood pumping, great way to begin a Saturday morning. It was dark, our headlamps lighting the way. The climb was challenging but despite my fears, I nailed it. I felt strong at the top and my fears started to wain.
Last night, I was feeling vulnerable. I doubt myself and my abilities regularly. As an overachiever, I am drawn to the activities that I can excel at, but love running because it takes me out of my comfort zone. See, I am not the greatest runner. I usually end up at the back of the middle of the pack. I have never been fast. There is a reason I love the long distance - I figure if I can't go fast, I might as well go far. Yet before each long run, especially something new, I wonder if I am going to be capable. So today's run was scaring me. My husband was reassuring, telling me I was strong and could do it, but I still doubted myself as I often do.
Around mile 3, I started to feel like this was going to happen. I was going to be successful. As we looked out over the lights of the city, I thought "No matter what, this is worth it."
The route we took led us to a lesser used trail called Bajada and I was enamored with its beauty. We have received quite a few rains lately and the valley this trail transects was a gorgeous meadow of green in a land that is usually awash with shades of brown. We stopped a couple miles down this trail to take some photos and when we turned around, the sacred Estrella Mountain range provided a backdrop worthy of the gods.
Along the way, we met a friend - Mr. Cactus with the classic western mustache.
Our journey continued and the highlight was when we climbed Ranger trail. It was a steep challenging climb and I felt strong the whole way to the top. What an amazing feeling! Finally I could see the results of my hard work over the last several months.
I was feeling happy. I was feeling proud. I was feeling strong. I was feeling like a bad ass.
Running is a journey that is hard to explain. It is beautiful and empowering and it can rip your heart in two. It breaks you down and requires you to build yourself back up in a way that makes you stronger, fiercer, and more determined to overcome the challenges life throws your way. It is a life's journey unfolded over a matter of miles. It can leave you in tears of sorrow and of joy, often simultaneously.
I finished the day solo after splitting off with the girls to finish my last 10 miles down a different route. And I am glad I did. As much as I loved their company, it allowed me time to reflect on the accomplishment and cherish the joy.
Week of February 26th - 49 miles and 4,207 feet of elevation completed. Whiskey Basin here I come!
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